Mature "dump"

Sometimes, an opening scene - no matter how much fun it may be to write - just doesn't lead properly into the moments that follow it. This is an example of such a scene. It's the original opening to Chapter 54 ("In the Shadow of Destiny"), just before Chie and Yousuke hear the important commotion in their living room. I've whited-out the text because of the somewhat mature nature of the moment.

It was the cold, steady rain that had sent Chie and Yousuke to bed early, chilled from exposure after the walk home from Aiya in town, and then lulled by the staccato but soothing rhythm of raindrops against the awning of their tiny outdoor patio, where they'd carelessly left some socks and underwear on the spinner rack before heading out to dinner (“Whoops,” had been Chie's embarrassed and giggling reply when they'd come home to find the dripping consequences of their error). But hot baths and warm blankets had taken precedence over the earlier mistakes of the night, and as soon as they'd closed Kuma's door, they took to their own bed, their skin flushed and warm and soft, a delightful contrast to how they'd felt earlier in the evening. Every once in a while, a rush of wind would spatter a flurry of rain against the glass of the apartment's tall windows – like a sneeze from the divine – but that didn't distract any of Yousuke's attentions from Chie, nor any of Chie's delight in having Yousuke administer to her with his tender, solicitous affections beneath the blankets.

There were fleeting temptations to be wild – as Chie sometimes was when she wrapped him in studded leather and satin ties, goading his desire with tickling teasings – or to be wicked – as Yousuke sometimes was when he pinned her to the bed and growled in her ear playful threats to her honor, like a clandestine lover stolen into his princess' bedroom to claim her maidenhood under cover of night and storm – but the two of them had almost seemed to silently agree when they first took to bed that tonight would be better spent amidst the simpler and sweeter intimacies of skin-to-skin and lips-to-lips. So that was all they did for a long while: just kissed and cuddled and rolled together in the bed, ignoring all of the sights and sounds around them – from the ceaseless ticking of the clock to the incandescent glow of the streetlamps outside the half-shaded bedroom windows – in favor of each other.

After a time, though, the cool and chaste joys of their closeness became heated and lusty, and not long after they started a round of more intimate kisses and touches, Chie was clutching and biting at one corner of the blanket, as she moved her hips against his wonderful and thirsty mouth.

He'd started simply, with his fingers massaging the small of her back, not even speaking but rather just humming with a kind of deeply affectionate attention, as if mesmerized by her body. But when she'd sighed and rolled up her hips and butt in appreciation, he'd taken it as an invitation (which, she would realize on later reflection, it probably had been), sliding down to a crouch between her legs in a most enjoyable breathy offering of regard. He hadn't bothered to make her naked in any way – just pulled her panties to one side with one hooked finger – before starting with a new round of kisses, designed solely for a delight of intensities. So she had let him have his way, propping her up by the hips to his face, to give delving tribute to her sex.

Now, he squeezed her hips, lapping and nuzzling with a captivated little groan, while she forced herself to be quiet but reactive, because she knew that that would excite him, too. They climbed the ladder of pleasure together, trading rungs along the way to make the other swoon. She reached the top first, though, as she always did when he took advantage of her so completely, giving a muffled wail around the heavy, puffy cloth stuffed into her mouth. He held her tightly, humming into her as he moved his tongue over her sensitive skin like silk, slowing his study of her only after he'd licked her quite clean and despite her dying whimpers.

Chie pulled the blanket from her mouth, spitting fuzzy cotton fluff from between her lips as she crawled away from him with her arms, everything below her waist feeling weak and useless. “Nuh-no more,” she muttered, forcing one arm beneath her chest, to push herself over onto her back. And she gave a long sigh as he crept up to her, perching himself above her on his hands with a grin.

He lowered his head, pressing his warm and wet mouth to hers, his still-energetic tongue darting between her lips to share the sour-sweet taste of her while it lasted. Then he chuckled as he pulled away, murmuring, “You sure? I was just getting started...!”

But she shook her head, sucking at her own lips. “I don't think I can take anymore,” she said, sucking in a breath as he shifted his weight to lay one hand between them, his fingers resting on the damp cloth of her panties.

Yousuke cooed with a lascivious sneer. “Oh. Your mouth says no, but your pu-”

“Stop,” she said, putting her own hand over his mouth before he could say anything more. Rather than taking offense, though, he just chuckled again and licked at the web of skin between her fingers, making her giggle. So she ran her fingertips over the lower part of his face, following the curve of his grin and the lines of his features – still glistening in the rain-broken light from beyond the window – with loving care.

“Thank you, though,” she whispered, pausing her perusal over his lips again. She looked up at him with a smile. “I liked that.”

His grin softened to a gentle smile. “I liked that, too,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her again. Then he chuckled a third time, moving his hand from between her legs to her face, to stroke lightly at her cheek. “I always like that,” he told her, even though he didn't have to; she was by this time well aware of his peculiar proclivities. “I always like pleasing you.”

“Well, you do,” she said with a snicker, turning onto her side.

He followed suit, dropping down behind her and wrapping his arms about her, nuzzling at the hairs at her nape. “Think you can get to sleep, now?” he asked with a light kiss on her neck.

Chie giggled again, recalling her earlier lamentation about storms keeping her awake. She snuggled back against him, rubbing her hand over the arm curled around her torso. “I don't think that'll be a problem, with you here.”

His snickering breath down the back of her sleep shirt made her cringe as he whispered, “Well, I'm here to serve....”

She just sighed and closed her eyes, squeezing his grip tighter. Then she nestled into the blankets and his embrace again, content to be in his vigilant care.

Of course, the moment didn't last. Before either of them had a chance to drift to sleep, they heard a sharp crash from the main room, that made both of them bolt upright in alarm.

“What was that?” Chie whispered, swallowing hard as she clutched the blanket to her chest.

I enjoyed painting the picture of this moment of intimacy - and the subtle foreshadowing of servitude - between the two of them, but it started the chapter off in a way that really hindered the flow of what occurs immediately after.

You'll also notice some repetition in the text. That happens a lot when I write the first draft. It's only later when I go through to edit that I'm more particular about words or phrases. But since this is a dump anyway, it doesn't much matter.

Long goodbyes

Here's one of the many scenes that I took out of Chapter 60 ("Futures Imperfect"), in order to cut down the wordcount, and to make the story just plain flow better.

“Thanks for coming to see us off,” Souji said, shrugging against the strap of his over-the-shoulder bag; the rest of their luggage was settled next to their families, waiting a little further down the platform, closer to the departure berth.

“I can't believe you're going to Tokyo,” Chie muttered, as she gave Yukiko another long hug.

The new bride chuckled as she pushed away. “Just for a few days,” she reminded Chie. “I can't be away from the ryokan for very long-”

“-And this is the start of the new term,” Souji finished with a smile. “I've got my classes to teach!”

“Well,” Chie said, dropping to her high heels again with a little bounce. “I want to hear all about it when you get back!”

“You realize they're going to spend most of their time in their hotel room,” Yousuke told her, and she replied with a quick and silencing jab in his ribs.

Souji shook his head and smiled at Yousuke, but Rise was more blasé:

“Tokyo's like Inaba, really,” the idol said. “Just bigger. And smoggier.”

“A lot bigger,” Souji muttered.

“A lot smoggier,” Yousuke said with a snicker.

There was chuckling around the group of friends, and then Naoto nodded to Souji.
“We shall make certain to check up on your apartment while you are away,” the detective said.

“Somebody's gotta be the responsible ones 'round here,” Kanji added with a teasing smirk.

Yukiko raised her hand. “Speaking of which,” she said. “If anything should...happen...while we're away-”

“-Don't call us,” Souji finished for her, and both Yousuke and Rise laughed, while the rest of them giggled softly.

Yukiko smiled. “But, seriously-” she began, and once again Souji cut her off:

“-Don't...call us,” he repeated with a grin.

“Understood,” Naoto said, chuckling gently.

Yukiko clicked her tongue while Souji continued to grin, but then he gazed around at them, softening to a friendly smile. “We should say goodbye to our folks,” he said. But he didn't move right away, instead measuring each of them in turn with a look of grateful kindness. “Thank you. For everything,” he told them.

Yukiko nodded. “If there's ever anything we can do, please don't hesitate to ask.”

“Actually,” Yousuke spoke up with another snicker. “There's this music shop in the Ginza-”

“Shut up,” Chie told him with a roll of her eyes, causing Souji and Yukiko to chuckle again.

Then Kuma hopped forward, tossing her arms around Souji's neck. “Be happy, Sensei,” she said, and then she did the same for Yukiko. “Yuki-chan, too, kuma.”

Souji nodded. “We'll see you when we get back,” he said, and then he took Yukiko by the hand, leading her over to the cluster of his family and hers.

I enjoyed the interactions between the friends, here, but - once again - it didn't really do anything to advance the plot. I thought that the recap given in the chapter as posted covers this well enough. And, I was having trouble transitioning from this scene at the train platform to the one that occurs in the apartment.

I'd also already done a goodbye scene at the train in the previous chapter (Chapter 59, "A Little Night Music") that more appropriately fit into the characterizations of Chie and Kuma and Yousuke (and the Terrible Trio).

I've found that the more I write Yukiko and Souji as a couple, the more I enjoy their interactions - and their relationships with the other characters. Yukiko has in many ways become quite like Souji, in the role she's taken with the other women in the story. Much like Souji is a guiding force for the team in general, Yukiko has become the same for the female contingent, though in a particularly womanly way. It's been an important friendship and relationship for Chie to have, and I'm glad that I've been able to showcase it to some degree.

"1 More Chance!" is winding down to a close very quickly (though perhaps not as quickly as some readers would like), but I'm looking forward to examining the (changed) relationships between the characters in more stories.

Over the phone

Here's a "scene" that I tried so hard to make work in the finished edit...but sometimes we have to just suck it up and admit that - as much as we may enjoy something we write - it simply does not fit with the story we're trying to tell.

It would have occurred in the first scene of Chapter 58 ("Dance of Fools"), right after Chie wakes up and finds her phone...

The faceplate blinked at her with an alert of a new text message, and no less than four new voice messages, which made her swallow thickly. Avoiding Yousuke was one thing; that was for his own good. But ignoring him was a different matter entirely, one that didn't sit well with her...and that she knew she wouldn't be able to do for long, if at all.

She missed him too much for that.

So she flipped open her phone and dialed for her voicemail, preparing herself for a tirade of furious and hateful epithets.

Yousuke was more than capable of verbally cutting her to the quick; she'd had enough arguments with him in her day to know that much. But as she listened to the start of the first message – time-stamped at seven forty-four, not long after she would have run out of the apartment – she found that she couldn't hear any of the venom in his voice that she had been expecting. Rather, he sounded flustered, and confused, and decidedly very scared:

“Chie, I'm sorry,” he said, his voice quiet and only half-enunciating, as though the words were being swallowed by his throat. “I know I'm an idiot. And whatever it is that I did, I'm sorry. Please, just...come back. Come back, and we can talk about this. Please.” He gave a low breath, injured by a sudden sniff. “Call me back, okay?”

She pressed her lips together, feeling a low, burning shame heat her cheeks. But her Persona's words echoed in her inner ear (Continuing, hard), and she knew that if he was going to be free, then she was going to have to be strong. So she deleted this message and went on to the next, which had come in an hour later, at nearly nine o'clock. He sounded much less lost, now, his tone clipped and more decisive:

“This is ridiculous...! I can't just sit around here waiting for you anymore.” She heard the scraping sound of something moving against the mouthpiece, as if he were shifting the phone from one ear to the other. And below that, the echoey sound of his steps on metal stairs. “Listen, I'm gonna get my bike. If you get this message, please, call me right back. And if you get home before I do, don't-don't leave! All right? Chie? ...Fuck.”

She could hear the brewing anger and frustration in his voice now, and it wasn't a message she wanted to listen to again, so she deleted that one, too.

The third message was marked as incoming another hour later – at ten twenty-one – and if she'd thought he was starting to brew in the last message, he was positively boiling in this one:

“Gah-! Dammit! How fucking hard is it for you to answer your fucking phone?! I've been riding around this stupid town for the last hour-and-a-half looking for your sorry ass!” He growled then, sharply, like a verbal swing at her guts. “I swear, you'd better be lying in a ditch somewhere-!”

Chie hit the DELETE button nearly before he'd finished speaking, at the same time biting down on her bottom lip. There was the anger she'd been expecting, in spades. Not that she didn't deserve it (she did), but hearing him actually say those words with such fury made her flinch. She considered just getting rid of the last of the messages, too, except she automatically pressed the NEXT button, and it started up before she could stop it.

This fourth one was time-stamped not two minutes after the previous, but where she was ready for another denunciation, she found his tone now to be markedly different – frightened, distressed, regretful – and it made her pause:

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry; I didn't mean that. Chie, I'm so sorry...!” He gave a muffled and sucking breath into the phone, and she could almost hear the anxious, terrified spit bubbling over his lips. “Look, if-if you don't want to talk to me, that's...that's fine. But at least let me know where you are? Please? I just want to know that you're okay. I don't want this to be....” Another break, and another breath, while he seemed to swallow that left-unspoken thought. “I just want you to be okay,” he muttered again, and she had to close her eyes as she actually heard his voice crack. “Please be okay. Just...please...let me know you're okay.” He paused then, the rambling utterances of frustration and sadness coming to a stop with a long and audible breath in her ear, something like a sigh. And as his voice trailed off and was replaced by a deafening and deadening electronic click, she cupped her hand over her mouth, as her tears started afresh.

Damn it, why was he doing this? Why didn't he just let her go? Why did he have to make this so much harder for both of them by fighting against her like this, when he'd already seen, already felt, what she'd done?

Why couldn't he see that he was better off without her?

She wiped at her eyes with the back of her free hand, just as her phone buzzed again in the other. She looked down at it, blinking through her tears as she focused on the display. She had thought that these new text messages would be from Yousuke, too...but they weren't. They were from Yukiko.

I really liked the progression of emotion for Yousuke's character, here, which I considered realistic, given the situation. And I liked Chie's reactions a lot, too. I spent a big chunk of effort and time trying to make those messages come out just right for the scene....

The problem was that it presented a very different Yousuke than the one who appears in the later scene, and I needed for him to be take-charge and determined and desperate in that moment when he comes to her door. He needed to confront her as an equal (almost as a dominant), refusing to accept any of her excuses; the Yousuke that leaves the messages on her phone didn't convey that properly, in the end.

This was an example of a moment that took me a long time to write to the point where I was happy with it...only to edit it out because it didn't match what was going on in the rest of the chapter. Unfortunately, that happens a lot with stories that are as long as "1 More Chance!" has turned out to be. I've had this baby plotted to the end nearly since the beginning, and I know where I'm going, but sometimes it's the little moments that make us stumble.

For those of you still waiting for Chapter 60 at this time, maybe this will help give a little bit of insight into why it's taking so long. (There were about a half-dozen moments like the one above that I wrote, rewrote, and then ended up editing out from the final version. Those might still pop up elsewhere, though, so I think I'll leave them out of the dump for now.)

Animosity

Boy, here's a scene from Chapter 56, "Where Shadows Dwell," that I'm really glad now I took out....

A minute passed like this, and then Kanji raised his head and looked at the three of them, the faint light from the now-clear, starry sky outside the window reflecting off of his glasses. “So what do we do now?” he asked softly.

Chie pressed her lips together, as she rose from the clustered embrace of Yousuke and Kuma. “We get Yukiko-chan out of there and bring her home. No matter what.”

“Yeah, but what about Seta?” Kanji said, a light sigh escaping him. “How do we fight him without our Personas?”

Chie snorted angrily through her nostrils, recalling all-too easily the way that Souji's golden eyes had targeted her specifically, and the way that he'd raised that terrible spear at her, and at Yousuke. “I don't know,” she muttered, as she turned, briefly, to glare at the television screen. “But Yukiko-chan's the only one that matters,” she said, and when she looked back at them again, Kanji, Kuma and Yousuke were all staring at her.

“Chie-chan...?” Kuma murmured, her delicate chin puckering beneath a frown.

Yousuke shook his head. “You don't mean that,” he said gently, as if to placate her.

“The hell I don't!” Chie flared in response, rising to her feet.

“Okay, you're upset,” he replied. “I get that. But blaming Seta isn't-”

“You heard those things he said!” she spat back, standing over him. “You saw what he did!”

Yousuke jumped up now, matching her stance and volume. “His Shadow did those things!” he said emphatically.

“Same thing!”

“No, it's not, and you know it! Everybody's got a Shadow, Chie; you think yours was any better?”

“I can't believe you're taking his side in this!” she cried. “After everything he's done-!”

“I'm not taking his side-”

“He has Yukiko!” she shouted, pointing behind her toward the black screen of the television. “He tried to kill us and she is still over there,” she told them, baring her teeth. “And you didn't even stop her!” She ducked her head and thrust the flats of her palms against his chest, shoving him back a step. “Why didn't you stop her?!” she cried.

Yousuke dropped his shoulders, swallowing hard against the onslaught of her anger but otherwise not moving. Behind the rectangular frames of his glasses, his dark eyes narrowed, then blinked, then softened at her. “Because I would have done the same thing,” he muttered. “If it were you.”

Chie looked up at him, the intent and meaning of his words burning in her brain and in her heart, and silencing her more effectively than any shout or reprimand. She shook her head. “Don't say that,” she murmured. “Please don't say that.”

I actually kind of like the anger that Chie displays in this scene, and the hurt that she feels toward being betrayed by Souji. And her concern for Yukiko definitely comes clear. But the flow of the scene just didn't feel right, in the end, and the brief moment of gentleness between her and Yousuke feels like it comes out of left field. It does diffuse the heat of the conversation (and the sentiment that Yousuke expresses is important, both for the moment and for the revelations in the following chapter), but it creates a lot of animosity toward Souji that I decided would go against the plot, after all was said and done.

As it was, even without this scene, most readers had a real problem with the conflict I created with Souji. (My answer to that feedback was that I'd been building this facet of Souji's character since his reappearance in Chapter 39, "Let Go, Hold On"...although it was likely too subtle at that point for most readers. If you don't believe me, go back and read the conversation between Souji and Chie, in the old shopping district, and you'll see what I mean.)

In the end, I wanted Chie to care just as much about Souji as she does about Yukiko. (Well, maybe not just as much, seeing as it is Yukiko, but close.) I had already created Souji to be something of an outsider while he deals with his issues, but I wanted the team to come together for his sake, because they all share a common bond from their past, and from their Shadows.

Still, it was a fun scene to write, and it will never show up anywhere else.

Different directions

In going through my "unused" document of scraps or scenes that I decided to take out for one reason or another, I came across this one, that would have taken place after the initial (sex) scene in Chapter 52, "Thrall." In it, there's a very brief exchange about both protagonists' limited culinary skills, and it would have led to (basically) the same conversation that occurs between Yukiko and Chie over onigiri, only in Junes. I removed it because it took the story out of the apartment, where the chapter kind of needs to stay for the power struggle at the end.

This excerpt also starts to present a more telling explanation of the relationship between Chie, Kuma, and Yousuke as a not-quite-threesome, though I decided that that description would be better served later in the story. It turns out that I needed an additional character (Kanji) to make that conversation really work, and he definitely would have felt out-of-place in this chapter.

“Chie-chan...?” Kuma's voice murmured softly from beyond the door. “Yousuke?”

Chie hummed, feeling Yousuke tighten his embrace around her shoulders. She rubbed her cheek against his chest, wishing for just another few uninterrupted minutes.

“What is it?” Yousuke called hoarsely.

Kuma knocked again, more inquisitive than insistent. “Hungry, kuma,” she muttered. “There's no food.”

He craned his head around toward the door with a sigh. “Oh, that's right,” he said, then looked back toward Chie again with a grimace. “We sort of scavenged the last of the food for dinner last night.”

She snickered, snuggling up to him for another brief moment. “I was wondering why the okonomiyaki had natto in it.”

“Beggars can't be choosers,” he replied with a smirk in his voice. Then he kissed the crown of her head and shifted away from her, the loss of his heat saddening her a bit.
“You want to run to the store with me?” he asked, kicking himself free from the comfy confines of the bed. “We can just get some staples and come home....”

She watched him rise, admiring the lines of his body with a smile. “...And you can get naked again...?”

He grinned at her over his shoulder as he stood. “Only if you do,” he replied, and then stepped toward the wardrobe for some clothes.

They ended up walking to Junes in the drizzling rain, mostly because Kuma insisted on joining them, and Chie had long ago given up arguing outrightly with the girl when she had her naïve mind set on something. Yousuke was a bit more stubborn about not letting Kuma have her way – arguing that they would be able to eat faster if he and Chie alone took his bike, that Kuma would need to get dressed to come with them, that they'd have to walk in the rain if the girl accompanied them – but even he gave up after several minutes, when Kuma simply sparkled and smiled at him, turning on her very best cute-girl charms for him. (Even while she had watched them in amusement, Chie doubted that the sparkling had much to do with Kuma being able to coerce Yousuke; he was simply a soft touch when it came to the girl, despite what he said.)

I do enjoy the description of how Kuma relates to Yousuke in particular, and Chie's estimation of them both. But it turned the scene too sweet, when the undercurrent of "Thrall" is supposed to be one of burbling portent of menace. The minor conflict of domination/submission in this chapter is, after all, a much more overt thrust toward the conflict of character that occurs in Chapter 57, "Nightmare."

Kuma makes a guess

Here's a scene that I enjoyed, but did not make the story cut because it presented the idea of the last Shadow too quickly, and it did not allow for the horrifying revelation that occurs at the end of Chapter 55, "Broken Bonds."

Still, I like the reference to the end of Chapter 51, "Hana to Yari," as well as the minor explanation of what makes Yousuke - and Chie, to a lesser extent - feel uncomfortable at the end of that last scene. But the progression of events that would have followed this scene (Yousuke, Chie, and Kuma going into the TV and finding Souji) created too many instances of TV-jumping, which I thought would slow down the pace of the story unnecessarily, especially at this stage of the plot. So, I dropped it...but that doesn't mean I didn't like it.

The blonde girl's nostrils flared, briefly, as she sucked a long breath staring into Yousuke's eyes. Then she furrowed her brow and pouted her lips, still peevish but no longer so frustrated. “I saw something on my TV, kuma,” she said, and then she darted her eyes toward the large television, almost accusingly. “I wanted to see it out here, because this screen is bigger, kuma.” She paused, her little pink lips – puckered together tightly – moving back and forth over her teeth, as if she were hedging. Then she leaned in toward Yousuke, with something like desperation. “But it went away, kuma! It went away before I could see what it was! Before I could see, kuma!” she cried, and then she fell into his arms, clutching at him with such sudden force that he staggered.

“Ku-Kumada...!” he muttered. He sent Chie a worried look, and then he gave a low sigh, his shoulders falling as he put his arms around Kuma.

Chie reached out with one hand, rubbing the girl gently on her back, beneath her fall of flaxen hair. “It's all right,” she murmured, stepping closer so that she could stroke at the crown of Kuma's head.

But the girl raised her head at Chie's touch, turning halfway around in Yousuke's loose embrace to shake her head with insistent vehemence. “No, kuma!” she said. “Something's wrong! Something's wrong with the TV, kuma!”

“There's nothing wrong with the TV,” Chie assured her. She reached down for the remote again, and again clicked the television on and scrolled rapidly through the channels. “See?”

Kuma shook her head, shutting her eyes now, too, as a low, groaning whine unraveled from her throat. Then she looked up, beating her fists against Yousuke's chest. “Yousuke-e-e-e...!” she said, as if pleading.

He stared for a long moment into the girl's imploring gaze, and then turned to Chie. “She doesn't mean the TV,” he muttered gravely. “She means the other world.”

Chie took a step back from him, feeling a bubble of bile climb to the top of her throat. But she shook her head and swallowed it back. “No,” she croaked. “No, that can't-”

“She saw something on the TV,” he said, his words slow and measured. “Something she couldn't make out. And then it was gone. Just like-”

“Don't.” Chie told him flatly. “Don't say it.”

“Chie-”

“Yousuke, that's crazy!” she said, shaking her head again. “The Midnight Channel doesn't exist, anymore! We stopped it. Izanami was controlling it, and we defeated her! Just because Kumada-chan thinks she saw something-”

“I saw it, too.”

Chie blinked, feeling that bubble come to the top of her throat again, only this time it didn't go back down. She pressed her fist to her mouth, giving a sick little half-burp that tasted like regurgitated sour meat and made her grimace. “...When?” she said from behind her fist.

“The night of the Culture Festival,” he answered, too readily, which made her drop her fist to her side.

“Why didn't you tell me before now?” she demanded.

He opened his mouth, but no words came. He glanced at Kuma, who was looking up at him, too, as if for help. Finally, he turned back to Chie again, shaking his head. “I-I don't know,” he muttered.

“You don't know-?!”

“I wasn't sure I'd seen anything at all!” he said, taking one arm from around Kuma to gesture toward the television. “I mean, it was...late, and we were...drunk, and I...I didn't....” He looked away, shamefaced. “I didn't want to think I'd seen anything,” he said in a quiet voice.

And she remembered that night, remembered sitting with him on the floor, flushed and fervid in their intoxicated ardor. She remembered that she had been the one staring into the television that night, when it had flickered to life seemingly on its own, a haze of static that should have been a commercial, or a weather report, or a news story at that hour: not static, not blankness. And she remembered, too, that she had forced the evidence from her mind – half-drunk on shochu liquor and lust for him – because she hadn't wanted to face the truth, however impossible, that the past was not so far away as she had thought.

“We stopped it,” Chie said again, hearing her voice tremble. She ran her hands up along her arms, wishing that Yousuke had his arms around her, too, but forcing herself not to run to him.

“There's one way to find out,” he muttered, his gaze falling away again. Then he looked up again, but not at her.

She looked at the television, too, its blank, black surface projecting an eerie and unsettling calm...because beneath that surface she knew what horrors laid in wait, beyond the black.

After the return

Here's a section of text that originally would have occurred after Souji's dinner with Chie, Yousuke, and Kuma, where the first inklings of the grey-haired leader's rekindled interest in Yukiko starts to niggle at Chie's brain.

There's no place where this text could go now in the story, with it so much further along, but I did like the slight anthropomorphism of the television in this little moment.

Chie had slipped on one of Yousuke's shirts for the walk to the toilet, a dangerous excursion given her unfamiliarity with the place and the relative lack of light. Halfway back to the bedroom, she stopped in the main room, her gaze drawn to the large and silent television against the wall. She stepped over to it, staring into its blank, black surface.

Kuma had been only half-right. Everything had started with them – herself, Yousuke, Souji, and Kuma – but not them alone. The TV had played its own role, too, as had Izanami and her bastard puppet Adachi Tohru, as well as poor Yamano Mayumi and Konishi Saki...and Yukiko.

Chie hadn't missed the way that Souji's whole demeanor seemed to change whenever Yukiko's name was mentioned at dinner tonight. Was he still in love with her? Was she the reason that he had come back?

More important, was Yukiko still in love with him?

And what was Yousuke up to, suggesting that Souji go to see Yukiko? He knew as well as anyone the pain and grief that Yukiko had suffered when Souji had left that first time. Why would he want to put her through that, all over again? Souji was back, yes...but how soon before he would up and leave again, scattering broken hearts in his wake?

There's a lot of burbling animosity that Chie holds for Souji throughout the story - because of her feelings for Yousuke and Yukiko - but he (Souji, that is) is not meant at all to be any kind of villain (yet). I simply wanted to accurately portray Chie's feelings of abandonment, and the anger that someone like her would feel at being left behind by someone for whom she had once cared so deeply as a girl.

Emperor v Fortune (Part 2)

Here's the second part of the Kanji/Naoto conflict from Chapter 35, "Moments Made Memories." Actually, it's not so much a conflict, as a difference of opinion. The main gist of the conversation remains the same, but some of the details have changed....

The Friday lunch crowd at Aiya was insane, the line going all the way out the door and halfway to Shiroku, so when Chie arrived at Tatsumi Textiles, Kanji suggested they walk over to Souzai, instead.

“Rise-chan and Naoto-chan might join us later,” Kanji told her as he put the finished dogi into a box, wrapping the shop's signature-design crepe paper around it. He closed the top of the garment box and wrapped it with twine, a step Chie found a little unnecessary given that Yousuke was just going to open it again on Sunday morning, if not before...but Kanji seemed to be moving on automatic as he worked, and she didn't want to disturb his rhythm.

She accepted the box from him with a smile. “Did you want to wait for them? There's a faculty meeting this afternoon, so I've got a long lunch today.”

“Nah,” Kanji said, shaking his head. He walked out from behind the workbench. “I kinda wanted to talk to you anyway. Y'know, in private.”

Chie raised her eyebrows. “Uh, okay....”

As the two primary bruisers in the group, she and Kanji had always had in common their penchant for fighting first and talking second, but other than that they had never been very close. He had been her kouhai and always seemed to be more interested in hanging out with his fellow underclassmen Naoto and Rise (she knew the reasons why, now). Even though he seemed to like Yukiko's company, she often got the feeling that she and Yukiko together were a little too intimidating for him, especially given the incident during their second-year service trip to the mountains, as well as the school trip to Port Island; and Yousuke had always given him shit about this or that rumor or misconception, so it was no surprise that for most of the time they'd known each other, Kanji tended to quietly avoid her and her friends when they weren't in a large group.

But over the last several weeks – and especially since the Mayonaka debacle – the old Midnight Channel Investigation Team had grown close again, in some ways even closer than they had been in high school. Friendships that had been only cursory at best – like between Yousuke and Kanji – had become more genuine. But Chie still didn't have much of a connection to Kanji, outside of the training sessions, so she didn't know how to react to his sudden request to talk.

He started for the door with a jerk of his head. “C'mon. Let's get some korokke before they run out.”

Chie followed him, haltingly, still puzzled by his behavior. They ordered lunch and then sat down at one of the outdoor tables, the one closest to the textiles shop, in case Kanji needed to run back in. She set the box down beside her chair and folded her hands on the table, unsure of what to do next. Finally, she simply came out and asked him: “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Kanji leaned out over his knees (his preferred posture when he wasn't working) and stared at the tabletop for a long moment. Then he took a sharp breath and looked up at her. “We understand each other,” he said.

“Uh, we do?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I mean, we're fighters. We're not good with strategy or tactics, but we know how to fight, for sure.”

Chie chuckled; from anyone besides Kanji, his words might have sounded insulting. But taken at face value, she felt a sense of comraderie with him.

He blew another breath and shook his head. “Naoto-chan, she thinks you can plan and deduct your way outta anything. I mean, she's real smart, and I've seen her when she gets into planning mode – she's great with that sorta stuff – but sometimes she just...she thinks too much, y'know?” He glanced down at the tabletop again and gave an almost-sigh.

She smiled at him, recalling their high school days, when Naoto would be sitting at one of the desks in the library, or at their favored table in the Junes food court, scribbling notes and schemes and plans into a well-worn notebook laid out in front of her. Very little of the detective's meticulous observations and convoluted hypotheses had ever made sense to Chie (or anyone else, really), so Naoto had usually kept her notes to herself...but she always seemed to be thinking, planning, strategizing. Chie used to think it was just a sign of a superior intellect at work, yet Kanji's words now seemed to be disputing that, to some degree.

“I love her,” Kanji said softly, pausing just enough to let the words hang in the air, then continued on. “But there's some stuff that she just doesn't understand. Fighting ain't about strategy or tactics. Not when it comes down to seconds.” He looked up at her again. “I mean, a fight can go one way or the other like that,” and he leaned over the table toward her, snapping his fingers quickly. Then he sat back again, with a low smile. “But if you got heart, the heart for your fight...Hell, you can do anything. You and me, we know that.”

She smiled back, understanding a little bit more just where he was coming from.

He tapped the top of the table. “Hanamura needs to know that, too.” He shook his head again, his gaze darting from table to restaurant door to sky and finally back to her. “The guy talks a big game, but I can tell he's scared. You can't look a guy in the eyes in a fight and not know that. You know what I'm talkin' about, right?”

Now Chie nodded, her smile fading. Of course, she'd seen that fear in Yousuke's eyes. Even if he hadn't come straight out and told her about it, she would have known it. Not only because of what Kanji had said (he was right – she'd seen enough fear in opponents' eyes not to recognize it), but because lately Yousuke's embraces had become a little bit tighter, his glances a little bit longer, his kisses a little bit sweeter, as if he feared their every moment together could be their last. In some ways, it was a charming way to feel his affection...but she knew the real reason was because he worried.

“Yeah,” she murmured softly. “I do.”

Kanji offered her a little lopsided smile. “You're his heart for this thing. You know that, right?”

Chie chuckled and blushed, glancing away in embarrassment at this straightforward observation.

Yeah, so, I liked this piece as well - but I liked better the way that Chie and Yousuke are the main thrust of the chapter, controlling the action in the story rather than being controlled by it. Hopefully, you can see the differences...and appreciate the changes that were made.

Emperor v Fortune (Part 1)

Here's another long piece, the original conflict present in Chapter 35 ("Moments Made Memories"), between Kanji and Naoto. I liked the way that Kanji is pretty much the only person to stand up to Naoto in this piece, but I thought that it was too much, considering that the duel was so close anyway. And I didn't like that Chie breaks down near the end of this section; she's supposed to be the firm reason for Yousuke to fight.

There are a few nice descriptions that I still like here, though, notably the recap of the game/early story chapters.

Chie dropped into another deep leg stretch, for the third time so far this morning. She looked up at Yousuke, standing a few meters away, and gave an impatient groan.

Dressed in the white keikogi that Kanji had made, Yousuke could only shrug his shoulders. “This isn't my fault,” he muttered.

Chie had to remind herself (again, for the third time) that he was right. This was the first day that Kanji had asked Yousuke to wear the uniform during an actual sparring session – to make sure that all of the little folds, seams, and tucks of the jacket and pants moved well in a real fight situation – and he had stopped the fighting whenever he noticed this or that imperfection. At the moment, he was re-examining a troublesome shoulder-seam that had almost split after Chie had tried to grapple Yousuke.

Even Naoto was getting impatient, evidenced by the exasperated sigh she let go. “Kanji-chan,” she snapped. “These constant interruptions are not conducive to their sparring.”

Kanji turned halfway around from his place at Yousuke's side. “Hey, presentation's very important.” He turned back to the other man, gave him a once-over glance, and clapped him on the shoulder. “How does that feel?”

Yousuke lifted and dropped his arms. “Good,” he replied simply.

“Not too tight?” Kanji asked.

“Nope.”

“A'right, good.” Kanji sniffed, nodded, and stepped back again. He gave Naoto an almost-condescending sneer. “You can continue....”

Naoto glared at him, but then she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, in what looked to be a calming exercise. When she opened her eyes again, she lifted her arm between Yousuke and Chie. “Hajime.”

Both fighters dropped into starting stance, taking a brief moment to observe and wait. While Yousuke had a tendency to strike first, Chie had sometimes been surprised by his patience in waiting to see what she would do. She usually couldn't wait more than a few seconds (in that way her fighting style was quite similar to Kanji's), but today – with only two days left until the big fight with her father – she wanted to take a different tactic. So she sucked on her lip and waited, counting nearly to twenty before he gave up the patience game and struck.

Yousuke lunged, a short strike from his left hand first, followed by a longer one with his right. Chie stepped back, catching his second strike and using his momentum to push him past her, so that they switched positions on the field. She swung her leg in a high kick, catching him in the back of the shoulder, driving him to the ground. He caught himself with his hands and immediately retaliated with a kick of his own, his foot catching her in her torso, forcing the wind out of her.

“Good counter,” her grandfather commented softly from the sidelines.

Chie caught her balance by retreating a few steps, cursing Yousuke's longer reach for a brief second. But he was already up again, using the swing of his kick to bring him back to a half-standing position. He charged her, striking with a flurry of knee kicks to her side. She forced her hands down to block, and when he dropped his leg for the third time she took the momentary opening to punch him with a backhanded fist, causing him to stagger. He responded with a somewhat messy side kick, just to make her keep her distance, but she was a better fighter than to fall for that kind of amateur move.

She closed on him quickly, punching out with and twisting one fist into his shoulder in a grappling move. He grabbed her outstretched arm, and she felt him shift his weight to throw her. He might have even managed that, except that Kanji suddenly started yelling:

“Stop! Yame, yame!”

Naoto scolded him from the other side of the impromptu sparring ring: “Kanji-chan! I am supposed to say that!”

Yousuke immediately released Chie and tilted his head toward her side. “You okay?” he asked, standing straight while Kanji came up to fiddle with the keikogi again; apparently, he'd gotten used to these tailoring interruptions.

Chie looked up at him with a smile. “Yeah,” she murmured. She reached up and touched his cheek, where her knuckles had connected with the bone. “What about you?”

Yousuke snickered and shrugged off her concern. “Come on. You've given me worse hits than that one.” He glanced down at Kanji, in response to a quick tug at his side. “I can take it off, if that's easier....”

“Nah,” Kanji muttered. “This'll just take a minute.”

Naoto stepped briskly toward them, her arms crossed in front of her chest. “We are wasting valuable time,” she huffed. “If you are not willing to take this seriously-”

“Hey,” Kanji replied, turning toward her again. “I'm takin' this very seriously. Just 'cause I ain't a super-smart strategist like you, don't mean my contributions don't matter. So just...chill, okay?” He shook his head, then directed his attention back to the keikogi jacket.

Naoto was silent, but she glared at the blond man for a long moment. Then she stalked back to her place on the outskirts of the grass, her arms still crossed in front of her chest. Chie could swear she heard her grumble something beneath her breath but didn't want to press the petite detective any further; while usually cool and collected, Naoto did have a formidable vicious streak.

“I think you made her mad,” Yousuke muttered with a snicker.

Kanji sniffed. “Ah, she's just....” He shot a quick look to Chie, then forced a smile. “Forget about it, dude. You're gonna be great.” He stood up and clapped Yousuke on the shoulder. “And in this Tatsumi Special, you're a made man.”

Yousuke chuckled. “Thanks.”

Kanji stepped back, nodding. “Better get back to it, though. She's mean when she's pissed.”

Chie smiled, but she couldn't shake the strange look in Kanji's eyes. Nevertheless, she and Yousuke took their stances again, and waited for Naoto's signal to start.

“Hajime,” Naoto said again, her voice low and taut.

Yousuke's gaze darted across Chie's form, and then he snapped forward, sliding out with one foot as he punched with one hand and brought his opposite knee up at the same time. Chie blocked, kicking away his attacking leg, but his other hand reached out and took her by the shoulder, spinning her about like a partner in a frantic dance. He locked his arm around her, but she dropped her center of gravity, kicking her leg behind her in a high sweep that hit him in the back of the head. His grip loosened enough for her to grab his arm with both hands and flip him over her back to the ground. She punched him squarely in the middle of his chest, and Naoto called them to stop.

Chie extended a hand to Yousuke, who stood up with a sharp, “Dammit!”

Naoto crossed to them again. “Are you deliberately holding back?” she asked Yousuke pointedly.

“No!” he told her. “I just...got a little dazed, that's all.”

“You cannot become 'dazed' on Sunday...!” Naoto scolded.

“She kicked me in the head!” Yousuke said defensively. “How is that not supposed to daze me?”

Chie broke in between the two of them. “Guys! It's okay – it's just one fall.” She glanced from Yousuke to Naoto and back again, then sighed softly. “Look, we're all a little off this morning. Maybe we should just come back to this tonight.”

Naoto's jaw was set, but she nodded. “Fine,” she muttered.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Yousuke agreed, rubbing at the back of his head. He started to undo the ties of the keikogi, as Kanji approached them, now, too.

The blond man accepted the jacket, nodding. “Hey, you guys wanna get lunch in town today? I should be done with all the alterations by then.”

Chie smiled. “Yeah, I could do that.”

But Yousuke shook his head. “I doubt it. I wanna get as much done in the office today as I can – leave tomorrow open.” He looked down at the keikogi pants. “Uh, can I change out of these at your shop?”

Kanji nodded. “Yeah, come on.” He jerked his head in the direction of the street, leading the way.

Yousuke followed, pausing to bow to Kazunori, who had sat through the entire session, merely watching. “Thanks for coming, sensei,” he said with a halting smile. “It's nice to know there's at least one other Satonaka who doesn't totally despise me.”

Chie frowned, but her grandfather offered Yousuke a chuckle as he stood up. “Suitors throughout the ages have had issues with the fathers of their beloveds,” he said. “You should count yourself among a fabled fraternity.”

Yousuke snickered. “Thanks,” he muttered. “I guess.” Then he bowed again, swiftly, before following Kanji out to the street.

Chie watched him go, then turned to her grandfather. She smiled hopefully. “He's better, right? I mean, he can win this.” She swallowed, hard. “Right?”

Kazunori made no move. “He has made significant progress,” he said with a smile. Then he inclined his head to Naoto, as she walked up to them. “Due in no small part to the support of your friends, I should think.”

Naoto hummed. “I would feel better for our chances if we had more time....”

Kazunori sighed. “Time is the most precious of our possessions, but it exists for each of us in sadly limited quantities.”

Chie felt her spirits sink. “That doesn't really answer my question.”

Her grandfather gave a gentle shrug. “If he does his best, he will succeed. Nothing can take that away from him. Or from you.” He rose up, sighing again, albeit softly. “Does that answer your question?”

Chie looked away, muttering, “It's not really the answer I wanted to hear.” Then she turned back to the two of them, coaxing a not-very-convincing smile to her lips. “Thanks anyway, though.”

Naoto blinked her eyes. “I apologize, Chie-san. I fear that my...overzealousness with Hanamura-san's training has blinded me to the true purpose of these activities. I will have to rethink our strategies for this challenge.”

A much more natural, comradely smile came to Chie's lips. “Naoto-chan, really – you've done so much already. I can't ask you to-”

But the petite detective shook her head. “At his current level of proficiency, Hanamura-san will not be able to defeat a master such as your father. We should consider alternative avenues....”

A sudden wave of near-crushing emotion hit Chie, like a kick to the stomach, at Naoto's cool, concise articulation of her fears for Yousuke and his abilities. But she reined in the tears that threatened to erupt, tempering them with a low, disheartened sigh.

“I know,” Chie whispered, dropping her gaze to the ground. “I know our chances aren't good. But I can't just give up-!” She looked up at Naoto, almost pleading; if the detective were still in the habit of wearing her cap, Chie would have looked to her to pull a magical miracle from between its threads. “I know there's only two days left. And I know that if Yousuke-chan has a hard time beating me, then my dad's gonna be next to impossible.” She clenched her fists, then, and squared her jaw. “But we've come so far-! I can't give up on him now. I won't.”

Her grandfather touched her shoulder, smiling softly. “Mushi,” he whispered. “No one is telling you to give up. Two days may not be much time in the grand design of the universe...but worlds can change in an instant.”

Chie sucked in a breath, sharing a knowing glance with Naoto, as she recalled the final battle in Mayonaka, when Souji and the rest of them had faced the goddess Izanami-no-Okami. The fate of that battle – and, indeed, two worlds – had changed in a single powerful moment of decision made by one young man. Even the lesser paths of their lives had been altered by actions and words, sometimes simple, sometimes grand: an accidental step through a TV; an acceptance of a yellow-eyed doppleganger; a kiss beneath lamplight between friends seeking more; a foolhardy challenge from daughter to father. All of these were moments where her life had changed, mere seconds when her destiny could have gone one way or the other, for better or worse. And how many seconds were there in a minute, or an hour, or a day? Enough to change the presumed course of her fate, or Yousuke's, or the fate that they could share together.

Kazunori smiled gently, seemingly oblivious to how literal his words were in their truth. “Be strong for your Yousuke-chan. He needs that now, more than ever.”

Naoto nodded, too, now. “A strong woman is a man's greatest inspiration,” she muttered. Then her eyes and mouth softened, a strange look for her usually-cool countenance; Chie thought this must be the face that she only let Kanji see, or Rise. “I did not mean to belittle our efforts. We are stronger together, after all.” She paused, and laid a comforting hand upon Chie's. “And we have always been blessed with Fortune,” she said with a smile.

Kazunori chuckled. “Your friend,” and he inclined his head to Naoto again, “is a formidable combination of logic and insight. You would do well not to dismiss her judgment.”

Naoto's smile remained intact as she turned to the elder. “Thank you, Satonaka-sama.” Then she returned her gaze to Chie, her smile now tinged with a serious resolve. “I will work on revising our strategy, Chie-san. As you know, I do not admit defeat easily. Nor, do I think, should you.”

Chie nodded to her. “Never say die,” she murmured.

“Now that,” her grandfather said with another chuckle, “is the granddaughter who has made this family proud.”

Chie giggled. “I come from strong stock,” she said, and gave him a brief hug.

“Ah, ah,” Kazunori grumbled in mock-protest.

Naoto's lips curled in an expression resembling a smirk, and then she gave a crisp bow. “I'm afraid I must be on my way. We shall return here this evening?”

Chie nodded. “After dinner, like usual.”

Naoto returned the nod. “Then I shall see you then.” And she turned, walking at her usual brisk pace toward the torii gate and the street beyond.

Chie watched Naoto as she went, passing Yousuke on his way back in, and she gave him a little wave. “Another costume change?” she teased as he approached, once more in his regular clothes.

Yousuke rolled his eyes. “Shirogane must be rubbing off on Tatsumi. I've never seen him so bossy before. 'Shoulders down, stand straight, no moving.' Sheesh.”

Chie hooked her arm through his. “Well, I think you look good in your uniform. Right, Ojii-chan? Doesn't he look handsome in his dogi?”

Kazunori must have caught some look from Yousuke, because he only chuckled and bowed to excuse himself. “I believe that is my cue to leave, as well.” He offered both of them a warm smile. “You should be very proud of the progress you have accomplished together.”

Yousuke returned a low bow. “Thank you, Satonaka-sensei.”

Kazunori spared them one more quiet look, then nodded and headed on his way.

As soon as they were alone, Chie took the moment to rise up on her toes and kiss Yousuke briefly on the lips.

“What was that for?” he asked.

She settled back on her heels and smiled at him. “Just...for being you,” she murmured, reaching up to brush her fingers along his cheek.

He settled his hands on her waist and snickered. “Oh. Well, in that case....” And he dipped his head toward hers, laying a gentle kiss on her lips, now. He pulled back for a second, then tilted his head to the other side and repeated the action with a second kiss. “That...is for just being you.”

She giggled, leaning her head against his chest to listen to the delightful pattering laughter from within, and took the moment as it was: just another second in another day.

The second part - Kanji's original conversation with Chie - will be posted shortly.

Dropped Fight

Here's a chunk of a fight scene that I just cut from the most recently-posted chapter (46: Bushi no Kokoro). After some quasi-negative feedback on my fight scenes, I went through and pulled out some of the skirmish details, as well as the following....

“Switch it up!” Yousuke shouted, his card shimmering into existence in front of him. “Shirogane-!”

But Naoto didn't need any prompting from him; her card was already spinning in front of her, and she used the shot from her pistol to disintegrate it, calling, “Persona!”

Immediately, Yamatotakeru streaked toward the four Shadows, his tiny form and shining sword creating a glowing glyph in the air above their heads. The Persona straightened up on his wings, and then a rain of almighty flame came crashing down upon the Shadows, blinding all of them in the hall for a brief moment.

When Chie opened her eyes again, she saw the Shadows slightly wilted but still standing...and definitely pissed off.

Naoto snarled. “Ugh! Quite tenacious...!” She closed her eyes, to call forth her card once again.

One of the Basalts scraped along the floor of the hall, tearing up disintegrating carpet as it moved to close on the detective, while the Arch Knight reared on its legless steed, its jousting javelin flashing brightly.

“He's getting ready to charge!” Chie warned, even as her card started to appear before her.

“Naoto-chan!” Kanji shouted, tackling her to the side as the Basalt hopped and then smashed into the ground where Naoto had been.

“Persona!” Yousuke cried, shattering his own card with the blade of his dagger. Susano'o whirled into existence above him, but instead of turning to the three Shadows, the Persona's head of billowing red hair turned to his human protege and the others, and he seethed his long limbs, bright red fists clenched at his sides as he cast his chosen spell.

Chie felt a gust of power rush through her body, tingling her muscles just as the Arch Knight charged for her. And like having the wind at her back speeding her on her way, she cartwheeled out of the way of the Shadow's attack with a new sense of ease. She landed on her feet, not even bothering to pause as she kicked at her card. “Persona!”

This was one of the few real fight sequences that could have been taken out without interrupting the flow or purpose of the dungeon crawl through Mayonaka too much. But I didn't want to lose it completely, so I decided to post it here for posterity. Hope you enjoy...but if you don't, well, tough. ;)

Dressing issues

Here's the original opening to Chapter 43, "Dandelion Wishes."

Readers familiar with the final chapter will recognize a lot of the same lines, but I decided at almost the last moment to take out a lot of this text and shift it around to other places in the chapter (or just dump it altogether and allude to the same issues in other ways).

After going through the kimono preparation scene in Chapter 37 ("Agonies and Thrills"), I figured that readers would probably get bored reading essentially the same thing with this yukata preparation scene. Also, there was originally going to be a brief interlude during the festival - where Chie and Yousuke would slip away to the aforementioned dark space under the stage - and inadvertently hear Yukiko and Souji in conversation about their relationship. But I thought that that would take away from the overall sweetness of the chapter that I was trying to convey, and I couldn't find the exact right place to make the moment happen. That (ditched) scene is one of the reasons why I thought it important to go into detail about Chie was or was not wearing beneath her yukata.

It would have taken less time for the legendary weaver princess Orihime to fashion an entire wardrobe full of gold-spun yukata than it was just to get Kuma dressed into hers. Part of the problem was that the girl was so naturally fidgety – even as a boy, and as a bear, Kuma had always had trouble standing still – but the other part was that Chie was not very adept at dressing anyone besides herself in the garment. They had almost gotten Kuma all perfectly wound and belted, when Chie realized that she had wrapped the yukata the wrong way, and they had needed to begin all over again.

Luckily, Chie had thought to call Yukiko earlier in the day, knowing that she was going to need help, and the ryokan manager had arrived shortly after Chie had begun the second attempt at Kuma's yukata. Yukiko managed to speed through the dressing like a pro, wrapping, tucking, and tying with an expert's flair, and even managing to carry light conversation while she worked.

“This is a very pretty yukata, Kumada-chan,” Yukiko said with a smile as she finished wrapping the outer belt.

“Thank you, kuma,” the girl replied with a sparkling smile of her own. “Chie-chan said I would look good in blue, so that's what I chose, kuma.” And she lifted the long draping sleeves in presentation.

Yukiko chuckled. “Chie-chan does like to make her opinions known,” she muttered.

Chie looked at her friend, pursing her lips sheepishly. No doubt Yukiko was referring to Chie's compliments, when they were younger, about how good Yukiko looked in the color red, and how Yukiko had quickly taken to adding the color to every part of her wardrobe, from hairbands to dresses to sweaters to earrings. Thankfully, Yukiko no longer held any of that against Chie (if she ever had...Chie had meant the compliment sincerely – Yukiko really did look good in red), forming her own opinions about what looked good on her, and in what way. Of course, Chie noticed that Yukiko still held a fondness for the color red, though if that was from Chie's influence or not, she didn't know.

“But it is a very good color on you,” Yukiko admitted, tilting her head in appraisal.

And it was: the pale blue flower print brought out the shimmer of Kuma's eyes, and the full pinkness of her lips. Highlighted among the blue flowers were little curling gold and silver enhancements, which shone whenever the material moved through the light. And the wide belt – the same kind of white-fading-to-blue color – completed the picture perfectly; Kuma looked like a charmingly real young woman.

Kuma smiled then, and shifted her hair from her shoulders with one hand. She had wanted to leave her hair loose and flowing, though the flaxen tresses were accentuated by a red flower barrette pinned close to one ear, which reminded Chie of the flower that boy-Kuma used to wear with his suit.

“I wanted to be extra pretty today,” the girl explained, “just like Yuki-chan and Chie-chan.” Her eyes sparkled with new interest. “Oh! Will Naoto-chan and Rise-chan be wearing yukata, too?”

Yukiko chuckled. “I don't know if even Kanji-kun could convince Naoto-chan to wear a yukata....”

“What about Rise-chan?” Kuma asked again. “Do you think she'll have a yukata, kuma?”

“I'm sure one of her outfits will be,” Chie replied with a snickering smile.

Yukiko chuckled again, then turned, waving her hand up and down at Chie. “Hey, slowpoke, you've got to get ready, too!”

Chie wrapped her yukata closed with a sheepish smile; she had been helping Kuma dress with her own garment just draped over her shoulders, with only a clingy half-shirt and panties underneath. She picked up the sash that Kanji's mother had given her a few months ago, grateful to have a new piece of clothing worthy of showing it off.

“Did Kanji-kun make these?” Yukiko asked, stepping back while Chie wound the first belt around her waist.

Chie shook her head. “Actually, Ai-chan helped us find 'em.”

The two of them – Chie and Kuma – had only just found the new yukata the Saturday prior, on a trip into Okina based on a suggestion from Ebihara Ai, of all people. When Ai had heard from Yousuke that their young friend was looking for a yukata for the festival but had so far had no luck, she had told Chie about a little clothing shop outside the main shopping center, where the proprietors resold irregular and canceled clothing orders at a discount. When Chie had taken Kuma there two days ago, the girl had immediately fallen in love with the blue yukata...and Chie had even found a pretty new yukata for herself. (They had even gotten an extra discount on the clothes for mentioning Ai's name, an extra perk which was much appreciated by Chie's pocketbook.)

Yukiko blinked at the mention of Ai's name, then recovered her smile. “Do you speak with her very often? Ai-chan, I mean.”

Chie shrugged gently, the movement restricted a little by the cut of the yukata's shoulders. “Once in a while. Yousuke's been working with her on festival stuff, so she's kinda been around this past week.”

Yukiko nodded. She seemed to be watching Chie fix the wrap of her sash, but her dark eyes had a faraway look to them that gave the impression of deep, distracted thought. After a long moment, Yukiko pressed her lips together, then asked, “Does she ever...mention Kou-chan...?”

Chie paused, her hands in the middle of smoothing over her belt. She'd told no one about Ai's feelings for Kou, certainly not Yukiko, for fear that her friend might get some weird idea into her head about how Ai was a better fit than Yukiko for anyone, which just plain wasn't true.

“N-Not really,” Chie replied, shaking her head gently. “Mostly, she just talks about...clothes,” she said, which was basically true...save for one very interesting if somewhat off-color discussion about alternate sexual positions. (“If he's a gentleman,” Ai had muttered to her in the otherwise-empty Junes elevator on the same day that she had suggested the shop in Okina, “he won't take it all the time...but you should at least offer the ass.” Then she had glanced down at Chie's posterior with a smirk, adding, “Because it is a very nice ass.”)

Yukiko tilted her head again, this time in an approximation of a shrug. “I was just curious if he was going to be there tonight.”

“Sensei will be there,” Kuma offered helpfully, although the smile that Yukiko gave the girl seemed more conciliatory than actually pleased, which made both Kuma and Chie pause.

“Oh, I know,” Yukiko said softly, patting at the tucked-up fan of her hair. “But, we didn't get much of a chance to talk the last time he was in town. Kou-chan, that is.”

Chie knotted off the tie of her belt and looked at Yukiko with a small, supportive smile. “Do you need me to run interference, or interception?”

Her friend blinked again, then giggled. “Neither,” she told Chie. “If he's there, we'll talk. And if he's not...well, we won't.” She gave a brief sigh, then smiled in a more lively manner, the same pretty smile that Chie had come to love so well. “All right, then!” she said, clapping her hands. “Are we ready?”

Kuma nodded enthusiastically, grabbing her little clutch purse with her Orihime doll dangling from the zipper pull. “Yes, kuma!”

Chie agreed, lifting her own purse from the counter and pulling out her keys. “Yep!” She stepped down onto the concrete step, offering Kuma the more formal geta sandals that she'd wear with the yukata, then poked her toes into her own sandals. Yukiko stepped down last, moving smoothly and expertly in the stride-confining clothes; she could have been wearing just a normal skirt for all the difference her yukata affected her movements.

Chie locked up her apartment and followed Yukiko and Kuma down the steps of her building, holding the handrail to keep her gait steady in the cloppy wooden sandals; the rolling of her balance was not something she was particularly used to. She reflected for a moment that the lives of her ancestors would have been a lot easier if they'd invented sneakers earlier than the Twentieth Century.

They walked to Tatsuhime, Chie and Kuma on either side of Yukiko. Even though it wasn't far to the old town center shopping district, they were still impressed by the volume of the noise coming from the jinja entrance...until they saw the size of the crowd waiting to enter.

“Geez!” Chie exclaimed in disbelief. “Would you look at all those people?!”

There must have been at least four hundred men, women and children standing in little clusters around the torii gate, all chatting and laughing together. Some of them familiar faces from around town, but many were not, dressed in urban fare and traditional clothes alike.

“They must be here to see Rise-chan,” Yukiko said as an aside. She smiled cordially to some people she recognized, but then her eyes lit up with more excitement. “Ah! Dojima-san!” she called with a wave of her hand.

...and then the prose would essentially pick up from where the ladies meet with Dojima and Souji.

I think that the chapter works better as finally written - it's not as slow as the intro here, and I do manage to touch on the Kou bits in another fashion, without Yukiko seeming so wishy-washy about them. I do miss the little exchange with Ai, but maybe I'll save that one for a sequel. :D

Do you love me most?

Here's a chunk of text that I pulled from Chapter 43 ("Dandelion Wishes"). It's an example of prose that I enjoyed writing, but it didn't push the story forward any more creatively than the conversation that takes place at the end of the chapter.

She looked back to the stage, trying to picture him there with his sister, moving in the same easy way that he did when he played his bass guitar in his apartment. Would he stand close to Hitomi and share her microphone for a chorus? Would he stay in the back, bouncing his foot to the beat the way he used to do in Mayonaka, while his fingers plucked at the strings? Would he notice her in the crowd if he was up there, or would he get lost in the sound and the energy and excitement, as the musicians who were playing onstage now seemed to do?

As much as she liked to think that she could handle him having something else in his life that he loved more than her, there was a part of her – an admittedly selfish and frightened part – that was glad he wasn't up on that stage tonight. She wanted to keep him close, close to her and to the life they had in Inaba together. If he gave himself up to his music, how much of him would be left for her?

...But then she thought about how she had wanted to keep Yukiko close to her, too, and how unfair that had been. Yousuke, like Yukiko, had his own life to live. She liked to think that she was the most important part of that life, but even if she wasn't, wasn't the most important part of her love for him that she wanted him to be happy?

She turned back to look at Yousuke, and this time he caught her gaze and grinned to her, beckoning her over with a wave of his hand even as he kept talking. She giggled to herself and pushed her way through the amassing crowd – past Dojima chatting with Taniguchi-sama about the right kind of flowers for a young performer; past Souji, Kuma and Yukiko trying to get some skewers of takoyaki from the Kiyomoris' stand; and past Kanji and Tatsumi-sama at their table, trading dolls and money and clothes and more money nearly hand over fist – and squeezed over to the edge of the sound table.

It creates a nice image of Yousuke onstage - and the insecurities that Chie has about him leading that kind of life - but I felt that the issue was unnecessary to bring up at this time, and it slowed down the flow. I also didn't want to open up a whole new bunch of insecurities for Chie, especially when the next chapter (Chapter 44 - "Rude Awakening") gives her a different set of problems.

The original second Rendezvous (Long!)

Here's most of the original Chapter 16. There are some similarities to the final version of "Rendezvous, Take 2" but many of the little details were taken out.

Chie had woken up shortly before six o'clock, but even that early, Kuma was nowhere to be found. She had told him the night before that he would be welcome to come and go as he pleased, so long as he was careful, and discreet. (That in itself might have been a mistake, but she was determined not to coddle him...and she didn't at all savor the idea of having to keep watch over him every minute of the day.) Her deck door had been open that morning, so she figured that he must have left before sunrise, perhaps taking her advice to heart and trying his best to remain as unnoticed as possible. Just as well – she had wanted to stay on her weekly routine, and that included a Saturday day-off run.

She usually favored a route around town, but that meant that she would pass by Junes. She couldn't be certain if Yousuke was working, but she wanted to avoid him for the time being. There were apologies to be made, and she knew now that she would have to be the one to make them; but with Kuma's appearance, she hadn't been able last night to get things straight in her head. So she took her backup route, along the banks of the Samegawa River.

There were a few others about this morning, whom she recognized: Nagase Daisuke, of course, with a handful of more dedicated students from the high school team; Matsunaga Ayane; and Ichijou Kou, of all people.

Kou came running up beside her, pacing her. “Ohayo gozaimasu, Satonaka-san.” He must have been near the end of his route, because his dark hair was already sticking to his forehead in sweaty clumps, and his shirt was wet beneath his arms and in V-shaped lines down his chest and back. Still, he was smiling and seemed to be in good spirits.

Chie nodded and smiled back at him. “Ohayo gozaimasu,” she replied. “Nice day, huh?” she said, for lack of anything more interesting to say. She hadn't spent much time around Kou since high school, even given her closeness with Yukiko, who was very shortly to be his wife.

He nodded. “I'm determined to enjoy these mornings while they last.”

“While you're still single?” She ventured with a grin.

He laughed. “I meant before the rainy season starts.” He squinted at her. “This isn't your normal route, though. Don't you usually run through town?”

Chie slowed her pace. “How did you know that?”

Kou laughed again. “Don't worry – I'm not stalking you. I usually see you on the shop stretch in the morning, if I stay up at the inn.”

She smirked knowingly. “Oh, really? You stay up there that often, that you know my regular route?”

He faltered for a short second, his face turning red, and decidedly not from the exercise. “Ah. I think I'm not gonna answer that one.”

Chie chuckled; Yukiko was right about one thing: Kou was certainly capable of keeping the details of his private life to himself. She turned back to focusing on her speed and breathing. She figured that he would sprint away from her, or lag behind, but instead he kept pace with her.

“I hope you don't think I'm taking Yukiko-chan away from you,” he said abruptly.

Chie stopped, struck dumb by this unforeseen sentiment. “What? Ichijou-san, I don't-”

He stopped, too, to stand beside her. His voice dropped to a near-whisper. “I know that you're close to her in a way that I could never be. And that's okay. I think it's important for Yukiko-chan to have her own life, aside from me. But I hope that you won't begrudge me trying to make a life with her, too.”

She offered him a slow smile, suddenly understanding the true meaning behind this entreaty. “I have been a little jealous of the two of you, lately. But Yukiko-chan's still my best friend. I just want her to be happy.”

Kou smiled back at her. “I'm glad to hear that. I think she's been missing you.” He cocked his head. “I know what it's like to have a friend who's like another part of you. Sometimes you can't explain to other people just why they're so important to you....”

As if on cue, Daisuke and his small team of athletes ran past them, cutting a path around the two of them into the grass of the riverbank.

“Come on, lazy asses!” Daisuke shouted at the students. “How do you expect to beat Gekkoukan if you can't even keep up with me!” He paused briefly, to nod and grin at both Kou and Chie. Then he was off again, his shouts ringing out over the normally peaceful riverbank: “Umawashi, don't you roll your eyes at me! I'll make you run an extra five kilometers!”

Kou grinned at Daisuke's back and muttered:

“They just are.”

Chie followed Kou's gaze, and as she watched Daisuke and his student team run along the riverbank, she found herself thinking first of her friendship with Yukiko, yes...but then she thought of her friendship with Yousuke, too. Like Kou had said, both Yukiko and Yousuke were like parts of her own self, lost at birth and then found again as a girl. They were as much a part of her as her own legs or her own hands.

She looked at Kou again. “Ichijou-san...?”

He turned to her, his grin still in place. “Yeah?”

She bowed, legs and hands together. “Domo arigatou gozaimashite.”

He chuckled. “What are you thanking me for?”

She stood up straight again and offered a small smile. “For reminding me how important my friends are.”

Kou gave her a quizzical look but didn't press her further. Instead, he returned her bow. “Yukiko-chan and I are having sukiyaki this evening. We'd be delighted if you would join us.”

Chie nodded. “Sure, okay. Thank you.” She laughed. “But I should warn you: I can decimate a sukiyaki bowl!”


Early Evening.

Chie ran one hand over both her blousey shirt and her pencil skirt, in an effort to straighten any wrinkles or inconsistencies, as she stepped up into the Amagi Inn, where she had arranged to meet with Kou and Yukiko. Briefly, she inspected the box of delicate pastries that she had picked up as a gift and smiled at her choice. She didn't know Kou's tastes, but Yukiko had a particular weakness for sweet bean jelly. More than once during their friendship, Chie had been able to ply Yukiko's favor with confections like these. And while she had no ulterior motive in her choice this time, she was looking forward to the familiar sparkle of appreciation in Yukiko's dark eyes.

She was reminded suddenly of Kuma's big, bright eyes. Kuma had pleaded with her that afternoon; the poor thing had wanted so terribly to come with her to see Yukiko. But Chie wasn't certain that tonight was the right time to introduce Kou to Kuma...and she didn't know how even Yukiko would react to his sudden presence. He had whined about not being invited, and Chie had managed to placate him only after suggesting that they plan a very special get-together with Yukiko and the rest of their friends for the near future, when Kuma could be the center of attention. He had approved of this idea immensely, and so when she had left him, he had been wrapped in thought about how he could make the best entrance to his own party.

As much as Chie was happy to see Kuma again, she wasn't sure how much more of him that she could take all by herself. She wondered how Yousuke had managed it back when they were in high school....

She stepped into the lobby, and she almost fumbled over her own slippered feet when she saw him.

Yousuke was standing at the front desk, speaking in low tones to Sakai-san, the older woman who was head of staff at the inn. He was dressed in the casual remnants of what looked to be his work suit (tapered trousers and a button-down white shirt complemented by a red tie), his left hand holding a medium-sized wrapped box and his right busy writing in some sort of guest book. He looked up and then followed Sakai-san's gaze, which had gone to Chie when she had entered.

“Yousuke?” Chie had only been thinking about him, and now here he was.

Yousuke looked over at her with some surprise, his smile faltering, but only just. “Uh, hey.”

There was a long moment of awkward silence, while he turned to face her fully and she pursed her lips and stood there feeling like an idiot. He took a step away from the desk and toward her, and she gingerly moved her feet in his direction, too. They still said nothing, though, which made her both uncomfortable and fidgety.

Finally, he glanced at the gift in her hands. “I guess I wasn't the only one invited to dinner. What's in the box?”

Chie looked down. “Sweet bean jelly pastries from Saito,” she muttered. She nodded at the box in his hands. “What about you?”

He shrugged. “Matcha. There's a place in Tokyo that has some nice varieties.”

She clicked her tongue. “Thanks for making my gift look lame.”

“Hey, I didn't know you were gonna be here,” he murmured with noticeable derision. He turned his head and looked away from her, and she could hear the frustrated breath come from his nose.

While her initial reaction was to turn her back on him, too, she realized just as quickly that that wouldn't do any good. She had been invited to dinner as a goodwill gesture from Kou; picking a fight with Yousuke would tarnish that nice thought. So she stepped toward him again, reaching out one hand to him. At the same moment, he turned back to her, walking straight into her hand with his chest. They both faltered for a long moment, unsure of what to do next. Finally, they spoke, almost in unison:

“I'm sorry,” he muttered.

“I'm sorry,” she said. She turned away again, biting at her bottom lip, and fought the urge to chuckle at the absurdity of their situation. “What do you have to be sorry about?” She asked, still looking away from him.

From the corner of her eye, she saw him shift and shuffle his feet, and he said:

“I dunno. I shouldn't have stormed off like that yesterday. It was stupid.”

She shook her head. “No. I should be the one to apologize. I wasn't being fair.” Now she did look up at him, and she gave him a tentative smile. “You were right. I was...overreacting. What you do with your life is your business. I wouldn't want you judging me, either.”

Yousuke sighed, averting his eyes from hers. “It's not that. What you said...” He closed his eyes. “It's embarrassing.”

Chie glanced around; there were enough people milling about in their own dialogues that they were probably mostly ignored, but she didn't want to have this conversation so much out in the open. She touched his arm and, when he looked at her, she bent her head in the direction of the garden doors.

“Let's go outside,” she suggested in a low voice, leading him toward the external walkway. There were fewer people out here – just one couple, really, admiring the flora and rock garden – so she sat down on one half of a kartini bench along the wooden walking area. She offered him the space next to her, which he took.

She laid the box of pastries to her side opposite him and then put her hands in her lap. She wanted to lay her hand against his leg, or reach for his hand, but she didn't know how he would react to that. So she just knit her fingers together tightly, for fear that they might reach over to him of their own accord.

“Listen,” she murmured, “I don't think that... well, what I mean is....” She turned away, feeling suddenly insufficient to the task of apologizing. She hated the thought of risking another blow-up between the two of them, but she also felt the need to clear the air. She sighed, shoulders drooping, and glanced around the inner garden, until her eyes came to rest on the tall tree in the center, where so many wishes and fears and hopes had been said in the past.

Chie faced him again, dropping her voice to a hush. “Yukiko-chan is my best friend. We've been through so much together.” She paused, forming the words slowly: “I love her.” She did reach out, now, laying her hand lightly on top of one of his. He opened his mouth to speak, but she shook her head and shushed him. “I don't feel for her the same kinds of things I'd feel for a guy, but...I think if I could feel them for any girl, it would be Yukiko-chan.” She offered him a gentle smile. “It's okay for guys to feel that way, too. I mean, you and Seta were best friends....”

Yousuke sat back, blinking at her. “Um. That's...not what I was talking about. I was talking about Rise-chan.”

She straightened in her seat. “Oh. Uh, sorry.”

He leaned over his knees, putting his head in the palm of one hand. “Ugh. I can't even....” He sighed and dropped his hand away, then turned to face her again. “Listen, what happened with Rise-chan....” He shook his head, as if trying to shake the memories from his brain.

“You don't have to tell me,” she muttered, surprised at this sudden magnanimity. There was a part of her that was curious, and another part that wanted some justification from him...but mostly she just didn't want to see him hurt himself by telling the story.

He shook his head again, but the emotion was different this time. “No, I'd rather you hear it from me than somebody else.” He clasped his hands together and stared at them for a long minute. When she thought that maybe he wasn't going to say anything, it tumbled from his lips:

“She was in the city for some publicity thing, and she came by the school. I think maybe I'd told her once that the band I was in played shows on campus or something. You know, trying to impress the idol.” He chuckled, but it was humorless. He let go a long, low breath. “Everybody was so starstruck by her, and – I dunno. Maybe I was jealous, or part of me wanted her to myself, or...I thought she came just to see me.”
He paused, closing his eyes for a long second. When he opened them again, he snickered. “People do really stupid things when they're drunk.”

She smiled, despite herself. She knew how much damage Rise could do when she had too much to drink. He tended to have a little better self-control, but maybe not around the pretty young idol, and most certainly not if he was in a situation where he was trying to impress.

Yousuke sighed. “It was just...bad...you know? I mean, I was... I didn't know how to do anything.” He turned to look at her now, his eyes cloudy. “I was afraid she'd said something to you. About how much it sucked, or how totally clueless I was.” He looked away again, back to his hands, still clasped in front of him. “I was afraid you wouldn't want to be with me if you knew about that night.”

Chie watched him for a minute that felt like an hour. She blinked back tears, feeling foolish and reactionary and relieved. Then she reached up, curled her hand into a fist, and punched him, hard, in the arm. “Idiot!”

“Ow!” He turned to her quickly. “I'm sitting here pouring my heart out to you, and you punch me?!”

“Would you rather I kick your ass?” She asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“No....” He rubbed absently at his bicep.

She giggled, softly. “We are a real pair, you know that?” She sighed. “When Rise-chan told me that you'd been...together...well, I was scared that you wouldn't want to be with me because I'd never be as good as her.”

Yousuke stared at her blankly, and then he broke into a grin. “And you call me an idiot?”

They both laughed then, startling the young couple in the garden and causing a few curious heads to turn in their direction from the lobby. One of those was Yukiko, who came out to them with a smile:

“So here's where you two are.”

Both Chie and Yousuke stood up, Yousuke offering her a low bow and his gift of teas. Chie followed suit, passing over the box of pastries with both hands.

“You guys didn't have to go to this trouble,” Yukiko said, bowing back as she accepted the gifts. As she stood straight, she gave them an apologetic smile. “Kanji-kun just called; the store has a rush order to fill tonight and he won't be able to join us. I hope that's okay.”

Chie followed Yukiko back into the inn proper, as Yousuke swung his hand to indicate she should go first. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”

Yukiko glanced back at them as she moved toward the stairs. “Well, without him, it might feel a little like a group date or something, just the four of us. I hope you don't mind.”

Chie spared an amused look with Yousuke, who grinned back at her. “Nope. Don't mind at all.”


Late Evening.

Chie bowed to Kou and Yukiko for a final time, then said goodnight. She slipped into her heels, wobbling a little as she did so.

“Whoa,” Yousuke muttered, grabbing her arm to hold her steady. “You okay?”

She turned to smile at him. “Yeah, I'm fine.” Her face felt flushed and there was a pleasant warming sensation that ran through her, but she knew that it had very little to do with anything that she'd drunk that night. She started to walk down the path from the inn, when he asked:

“Would you like a ride?”

“On your bike?” She smirked, reacting more to the double-entendre than to the offer itself.

He nodded, either oblivious to her subtle come-on (which was doubtful) or simply willing to surrender command of the situation to her. “If you think you can handle it.”

Chie snickered; he definitely was playing along with her. “Yeah, okay. That sounds like fun.” She followed him over to the familiar emerald Vespa and climbed on behind him, tugging awkwardly at the bottom of her skirt. She was thankful for the dark of the evening; anyone who saw her would have gotten a clear view straight up between her legs as she straddled the seat.

Yousuke turned his head back to her. “We'll go slow,” he told her. “But remember – hold on.”

She scooted forward, pressing up close to him. She put her arms around his chest, locking her hands around her wrists. “I've got you.”

They pulled away down the road that ran parallel to the walking path, slowly, just like he had said, with the motor thrumming beneath them, startling the crickets as they wound their way toward the main roads of town. She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath of the heavy night air, smelling the tantalizing mix of the engine and summer lilacs and the crisp cotton of his shirt beneath her cheek. She tightened her grip around him with both her arms and her legs, feeling the muscles in his torso and thighs relax and contract as he shifted his weight to make the turn at the corner of her street.

The cycle eased to a gentle stop, and as the motor purred itself to silence, she opened her eyes and felt a pang of remorse. These rides never lasted as long as she would have liked them to.

As he started to get up, she let her hands linger against him, drifting down to his waist. She hooked her fingers through the belt loops on his trousers, pulling him back into place. “Hey,” she said softly, nosing the loose hair at the nape of his neck. “You want to come up?”

He turned halfway around in his seat and looked back at her with a slow smile. “Sure. If you want me to.”

“Yeah,” she said as she climbed off of the bike, swinging her leg high over the back. She settled onto her heels again, feeling slightly swoony.

Yousuke followed her up the steps to the main door. “You sure you're okay?” He asked, steadying her with a hand on her waist.

“Never better,” she told him, making a shushing gesture with her finger as she led him up to her apartment. She unlocked her door and ushered him inside, glancing right and left to make sure that there was no one about to notice her bringing him home. As she closed the door behind them, he chuckled:

“Hey, your kotatsu's here.”

She nodded, tossing her keys onto the kitchenette countertop. “Yeah, they delivered it on Tuesday.” She lifted one foot and started to take off the shoe, when he stopped her.

“Wait,” he said, going down to one knee beside her. He lowered her foot, then began to work on unbuckling the strap that held her shoe in place. He slipped off the first shoe, and then turned his attention to the other.

Chie looked down at him, watching his slow, deliberate movements and feeling her pulse quicken at his touch. That familiar warm arousal spread through her, and she smiled. She stepped out of her second shoe onto the cool concrete, shifting from one foot to the other because it felt nice to be out of her heels, but also because he seemed to take such an acute interest in watching her legs.

As if to confirm her suspicions, Yousuke hummed appreciatively and ran his hand along one of her calves. “I love your legs,” he muttered. He circled his fingers around to the front of her leg and brushed his fingertips very lightly across her knee. Then he bent forward and kissed the skin just below the hem of her skirt, at first just a gentle brush of his lips against her thigh, but then becoming something more intimate as he raised his hands beneath her skirt, pushing the bottom up almost to her panties.

She stumbled a little, and a sound that was half-moan and half-sigh escaped from her throat. She ran her hand through his hair, hooking her fingers behind his neck to hold him close. She felt him nuzzle at the place between her legs, his warm breath sending excited little chills up her spine. He sighed back at her, the throaty hum of his voice causing her to inhale sharply and twist her fingers in his hair, pulling his head away.

He looked up at her with a lopsided smile. “I thought you'd like that,” he murmured.

She let go of his hair and instead wrapped the fingers of one hand around the length of his tie, pulling him to his feet. “You're just teasing,” she told him.

He snickered. “Well, now you know what it feels like.”

She reeled him in by his tie, until their faces were almost touching. She cocked her head to the side. “Is that all you've got to say?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Say? Yes. Do?” He moved one hand beneath her skirt, stroking his fingers over the lace trim of her panties. “No.” He cocked his head to the opposite side as her, almost-kissing the side of her mouth.

Of course, Chie runs into Daisuke in much the same way in the final version of Chapter 16, but Kou is nowhere in sight. Instead, I gave the reconciliation rendezvous moment to Rise, which I thought was a better character moment for her...even if she doesn't physically show up at all. I did miss a little bit of the characterization for Kou that was lost here (since he's essentially absent throughout the story so far), but I felt that it was diverting too much of the action and interaction away from Chie and those closest to her.

Yousuke's story is the same, of course; much of what happens in the ryokan garden is word-for-word the same as the final version that takes place at the azumaya. But I decided that I wanted to save the garden for a nicer moment between the two lovers (which eventually happens in Chapter 22, "Private Moment (Love Laid Bare)"...whose title was too long for me to have in its entirety on the Fanfiction.Net chapter title listing, which was a little miffing).

Readers will also notice that Kuma has already appeared by this time (as he did in the original ending of Chapter 15). The more I considered the direction the story was taking, I wanted to make the "rendezvous" part of the chapter title even more fitting: Chie is meeting again with Yousuke, but she's also meeting with Kuma again. It's just an example of the little parallels that I like to put into a story. I think that the finished version works much better, at least in that sense.

Now perhaps you'll understand how I can have over 300 pages of edited-out text in a story that is still over 600 pages long.