Dropped Fight

Here's a chunk of a fight scene that I just cut from the most recently-posted chapter (46: Bushi no Kokoro). After some quasi-negative feedback on my fight scenes, I went through and pulled out some of the skirmish details, as well as the following....

“Switch it up!” Yousuke shouted, his card shimmering into existence in front of him. “Shirogane-!”

But Naoto didn't need any prompting from him; her card was already spinning in front of her, and she used the shot from her pistol to disintegrate it, calling, “Persona!”

Immediately, Yamatotakeru streaked toward the four Shadows, his tiny form and shining sword creating a glowing glyph in the air above their heads. The Persona straightened up on his wings, and then a rain of almighty flame came crashing down upon the Shadows, blinding all of them in the hall for a brief moment.

When Chie opened her eyes again, she saw the Shadows slightly wilted but still standing...and definitely pissed off.

Naoto snarled. “Ugh! Quite tenacious...!” She closed her eyes, to call forth her card once again.

One of the Basalts scraped along the floor of the hall, tearing up disintegrating carpet as it moved to close on the detective, while the Arch Knight reared on its legless steed, its jousting javelin flashing brightly.

“He's getting ready to charge!” Chie warned, even as her card started to appear before her.

“Naoto-chan!” Kanji shouted, tackling her to the side as the Basalt hopped and then smashed into the ground where Naoto had been.

“Persona!” Yousuke cried, shattering his own card with the blade of his dagger. Susano'o whirled into existence above him, but instead of turning to the three Shadows, the Persona's head of billowing red hair turned to his human protege and the others, and he seethed his long limbs, bright red fists clenched at his sides as he cast his chosen spell.

Chie felt a gust of power rush through her body, tingling her muscles just as the Arch Knight charged for her. And like having the wind at her back speeding her on her way, she cartwheeled out of the way of the Shadow's attack with a new sense of ease. She landed on her feet, not even bothering to pause as she kicked at her card. “Persona!”

This was one of the few real fight sequences that could have been taken out without interrupting the flow or purpose of the dungeon crawl through Mayonaka too much. But I didn't want to lose it completely, so I decided to post it here for posterity. Hope you enjoy...but if you don't, well, tough. ;)