Animosity

Boy, here's a scene from Chapter 56, "Where Shadows Dwell," that I'm really glad now I took out....

A minute passed like this, and then Kanji raised his head and looked at the three of them, the faint light from the now-clear, starry sky outside the window reflecting off of his glasses. “So what do we do now?” he asked softly.

Chie pressed her lips together, as she rose from the clustered embrace of Yousuke and Kuma. “We get Yukiko-chan out of there and bring her home. No matter what.”

“Yeah, but what about Seta?” Kanji said, a light sigh escaping him. “How do we fight him without our Personas?”

Chie snorted angrily through her nostrils, recalling all-too easily the way that Souji's golden eyes had targeted her specifically, and the way that he'd raised that terrible spear at her, and at Yousuke. “I don't know,” she muttered, as she turned, briefly, to glare at the television screen. “But Yukiko-chan's the only one that matters,” she said, and when she looked back at them again, Kanji, Kuma and Yousuke were all staring at her.

“Chie-chan...?” Kuma murmured, her delicate chin puckering beneath a frown.

Yousuke shook his head. “You don't mean that,” he said gently, as if to placate her.

“The hell I don't!” Chie flared in response, rising to her feet.

“Okay, you're upset,” he replied. “I get that. But blaming Seta isn't-”

“You heard those things he said!” she spat back, standing over him. “You saw what he did!”

Yousuke jumped up now, matching her stance and volume. “His Shadow did those things!” he said emphatically.

“Same thing!”

“No, it's not, and you know it! Everybody's got a Shadow, Chie; you think yours was any better?”

“I can't believe you're taking his side in this!” she cried. “After everything he's done-!”

“I'm not taking his side-”

“He has Yukiko!” she shouted, pointing behind her toward the black screen of the television. “He tried to kill us and she is still over there,” she told them, baring her teeth. “And you didn't even stop her!” She ducked her head and thrust the flats of her palms against his chest, shoving him back a step. “Why didn't you stop her?!” she cried.

Yousuke dropped his shoulders, swallowing hard against the onslaught of her anger but otherwise not moving. Behind the rectangular frames of his glasses, his dark eyes narrowed, then blinked, then softened at her. “Because I would have done the same thing,” he muttered. “If it were you.”

Chie looked up at him, the intent and meaning of his words burning in her brain and in her heart, and silencing her more effectively than any shout or reprimand. She shook her head. “Don't say that,” she murmured. “Please don't say that.”

I actually kind of like the anger that Chie displays in this scene, and the hurt that she feels toward being betrayed by Souji. And her concern for Yukiko definitely comes clear. But the flow of the scene just didn't feel right, in the end, and the brief moment of gentleness between her and Yousuke feels like it comes out of left field. It does diffuse the heat of the conversation (and the sentiment that Yousuke expresses is important, both for the moment and for the revelations in the following chapter), but it creates a lot of animosity toward Souji that I decided would go against the plot, after all was said and done.

As it was, even without this scene, most readers had a real problem with the conflict I created with Souji. (My answer to that feedback was that I'd been building this facet of Souji's character since his reappearance in Chapter 39, "Let Go, Hold On"...although it was likely too subtle at that point for most readers. If you don't believe me, go back and read the conversation between Souji and Chie, in the old shopping district, and you'll see what I mean.)

In the end, I wanted Chie to care just as much about Souji as she does about Yukiko. (Well, maybe not just as much, seeing as it is Yukiko, but close.) I had already created Souji to be something of an outsider while he deals with his issues, but I wanted the team to come together for his sake, because they all share a common bond from their past, and from their Shadows.

Still, it was a fun scene to write, and it will never show up anywhere else.

Different directions

In going through my "unused" document of scraps or scenes that I decided to take out for one reason or another, I came across this one, that would have taken place after the initial (sex) scene in Chapter 52, "Thrall." In it, there's a very brief exchange about both protagonists' limited culinary skills, and it would have led to (basically) the same conversation that occurs between Yukiko and Chie over onigiri, only in Junes. I removed it because it took the story out of the apartment, where the chapter kind of needs to stay for the power struggle at the end.

This excerpt also starts to present a more telling explanation of the relationship between Chie, Kuma, and Yousuke as a not-quite-threesome, though I decided that that description would be better served later in the story. It turns out that I needed an additional character (Kanji) to make that conversation really work, and he definitely would have felt out-of-place in this chapter.

“Chie-chan...?” Kuma's voice murmured softly from beyond the door. “Yousuke?”

Chie hummed, feeling Yousuke tighten his embrace around her shoulders. She rubbed her cheek against his chest, wishing for just another few uninterrupted minutes.

“What is it?” Yousuke called hoarsely.

Kuma knocked again, more inquisitive than insistent. “Hungry, kuma,” she muttered. “There's no food.”

He craned his head around toward the door with a sigh. “Oh, that's right,” he said, then looked back toward Chie again with a grimace. “We sort of scavenged the last of the food for dinner last night.”

She snickered, snuggling up to him for another brief moment. “I was wondering why the okonomiyaki had natto in it.”

“Beggars can't be choosers,” he replied with a smirk in his voice. Then he kissed the crown of her head and shifted away from her, the loss of his heat saddening her a bit.
“You want to run to the store with me?” he asked, kicking himself free from the comfy confines of the bed. “We can just get some staples and come home....”

She watched him rise, admiring the lines of his body with a smile. “...And you can get naked again...?”

He grinned at her over his shoulder as he stood. “Only if you do,” he replied, and then stepped toward the wardrobe for some clothes.

They ended up walking to Junes in the drizzling rain, mostly because Kuma insisted on joining them, and Chie had long ago given up arguing outrightly with the girl when she had her naïve mind set on something. Yousuke was a bit more stubborn about not letting Kuma have her way – arguing that they would be able to eat faster if he and Chie alone took his bike, that Kuma would need to get dressed to come with them, that they'd have to walk in the rain if the girl accompanied them – but even he gave up after several minutes, when Kuma simply sparkled and smiled at him, turning on her very best cute-girl charms for him. (Even while she had watched them in amusement, Chie doubted that the sparkling had much to do with Kuma being able to coerce Yousuke; he was simply a soft touch when it came to the girl, despite what he said.)

I do enjoy the description of how Kuma relates to Yousuke in particular, and Chie's estimation of them both. But it turned the scene too sweet, when the undercurrent of "Thrall" is supposed to be one of burbling portent of menace. The minor conflict of domination/submission in this chapter is, after all, a much more overt thrust toward the conflict of character that occurs in Chapter 57, "Nightmare."